Monday, September 1, 2008

Tips for writing

The text in previous post made me remember this set of tips. I read it at PB, posted by Marta.

1. Verbs has to agree with their subjects.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
5. Avoid clichés like the plague. (They're old hat)
6. Also, always avoid awkward, affected, annoying alliteration.
7. Be more or less specific.
8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
10. No sentence fragments.
11. Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.
12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
14. One should never generalize.
15. Comparisons are as bad as clichés.
16. Don't use no double negatives.
17. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
18. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
20. The passive voice is to be ignored.
21. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.
22. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
23. Kill all exclamation points!!!
24. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
25. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth shaking ideas.
26. Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed.
27. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
28. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.
29. Puns are for children, not groan readers.
30. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
31. Proofread carefully to see if you words out.
32. Do not put statements in the negative form.
33. If you reread your work, you can find on rereading a great deal of repetition can be avoided by rereading and editing.
34. A writer must not shift your point of view.
35. Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences, as of 10 or more words, to their antecedents.
36. Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided.
37. If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.
38. Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixing metaphors.
39. Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.
40. Everyone should be careful to use a singular pronoun with singular nouns in their writing.
41. Always pick on the correct idiom.
42. The adverb always follows the verb.
43. Avoid run-on sentences they are hard to read.
44. Use the semicolon properly, always use it where it is appropriate; and never where it isn't.
45. Hyphenate between sy-llables and avoid un-necessary hyphens.
46. Write all adverbial forms correct.
47. It is incumbent on us to avoid archaisms.
48. Steer clear of incorrect forms of verbs that have snuck in the language.
49. Don't string too many prepositional phrases together unless you are walking through the valley of the shadow of death.
50. "Avoid overuse of 'quotation "marks."'"


Richard said...

I was cognizant of the utter futility in my excessive literary expressions and have ceased to utilize said disproportionate verbiage with the exception of instances where it evidently behooved my tertiary use of euphemisms and henceforth shall continue my herculean efforts, shall the Great Lord Almighty grant me the wherewithal to accomplish such a insubstantial, nonetheless uncomplicated, undertaking, I know not and have not the courage to judge with my insubstantial humans trepidation of misspeaking.

This does lead me to believe that you think you understand what you thought I said but I am not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.

Nats snuskelusken said...

huh? :S